Life Coaching in English to Turn Your (Swedish) Life Around

motivation and life coaching in Sweden 2013

Not adjusting to life in Sweden? Worried about your mental health? Can’t concentrate and think you have ADD or ADHD? Struggling with the winter? Don’t let the darkness, Snökaos (snow chaos) or winter blues drive you to depression. Whether you choose to do it in-person or by webcam, you might just need a few sessions of life coaching to get back on track.

Here’s how therapy and life coaching with an English speaking coach and counsellor might make a difference to life in Sweden.

Bollplank, Sounding Board or Reflective Surface

Talking with your partner sometimes is not enough. Sometimes we are just too close to someone to offer a different perspective and it can seem like a lot of pressure if a sambo, husband or wife is the only one to talk with. The Swedes have an expression ‘bollplank’ which in English is akin to ‘sounding board’, someone or something we can throw our thoughts against to test them out. (Literally it is a plank of wood for kicking footballs against). In my work I call it the Reflective Surface.

There are many ways to employ a reflective surface: some people keep a journal or diary, video blog, artwork, cooking, craft… In fact any activity that combines structure and imagination with a product can provide a means to reflect your identity and ideas back to you in a positive, affirming way that supports change. A conversation can also be a reflective surface. In my office I use a whiteboard which is a literal reflective surface and sometimes I use it to hold onto the expressions or words that come up in a session. But even without the whiteboard, meeting with a coach serves the same ends because you hear yourself saying things and the coach can hold onto your words and ask you about them. A life coach can help with:

  • Sharing what has been happening
  • Working out what is important
  • Making goals
  • Following through with intentions
  • Acknowledging and celebrating progress.

If everything seems to be going well for your partner but not for you, don’t take it out on your sambo. Make it you New Years Resolution to get your own ‘bollplank’ and let the relationship be what it should be.

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD)

A lot of people approach me thinking they have ADHD because they can’t concentrate at home or work, or both. And there is a lot of discussion at the moment about ADHD, particularly in Sweden where there is a huge expectation that people are on time, focussed and ‘get with the program’. The norms of behaviour in Sweden are very influential. If you have seen preschoolers being marched around the city in pairs, you will get what I mean. This is a society where, to a large extent, cooperation and compliance are unspoken rules. I mention this because it is important to understand that cultural influence and social expectations can play a part in how we feel and how quickly we adjust.

But difficulty concentrating can also be a symptom of depression. When we feel low, unmotivated, frustrated or insignificant, it can be harder to stay on task. In a way this is our instinct or animal side at work, trying to get our bodies moving again. Movement and exercise to treat Depression has been recommended.

Here are some other signs and symptoms that you might not be alright:

  • You are spending all day inside and not going out at all
  • Mood swings or constant irritability
  • Feeling like a zombie or not feeling anything at all
  • Eating constantly and more than you need to (or a loss of appetite)
  • Drinking alcohol everyday or most days on your own
  • Not engaging with friends
  • Ruminating thoughts, ‘overthinking’ and dwelling on failure
  • Less attention to self care or neglecting basic hygiene (not showering, brushing teeth or changing clothes)

The good news is that you don’t necessarily need a psychologist or to go on medication simply because some of these are present. The benefit of working with me is you can tell your friends / family / sambo that you are seeing a coach for adjusting to life in Sweden. You can even meet me online, over webcam or for instant message counselling if you don’t want to take on the snökaos or you are living in Uppsala, Västerås, Nyköping or otherwise on the outskirts of Stockholm. Likewise if you are in Malmö, Gothenburg or Umeå or somewhere more remote, online coaching means you save the travelling time and can get help from the warmth and comfort of your own home.

Of course, if you are at any serious risk or your health is deteriorating quickly, you should not hesitate to consult a GP.

From Therapy for Depression or Adjustment to Coaching for Life Goals

When life seems to be stuck or falling apart, it can help to talk it over, make a plan and have someone to engage with and help you to monitor progress. A lot of people start to meet with me for therapy around a particular issue and end up feeling better to the point that our sessions become more about coaching and moving forward. Recently I have been speaking with people about:

If you have found me through ForwardTherapy.se price and cost of coaching might not be your main concern. You are probably more interested in finding a professional who understands what you are going through and offers the advantage of sessions in English. But just send me an email (preferred) or call and leave a message for a callback if you would like more information about my fees and payment options.

Engelsktalande Samtalsterapeut (English Speaking Counsellor): A Word For Spouses and Sambos

If you think your partner, wife or husband might benefit from coaching, kognitiv beteende terapi / cognitive behaviour therapy with an english speaking coach (kbt på engelska) or just a bollplank with someone other than yourself, feel free to send me an enquiry. I am used to working with people in relationships where one partner is struggling with culture or climate or relocation adjustment and there is some conflict in the relationship as a result. There is more information here på svenska.

Next year I will be relocating my office from Kungsholmen to Södermalm in Stockholm. But you can make a start now and put yourself on a better track for 2013. Start making your New Years Resolutions.

Write to me and I will send you full details of availability, fees and answer any questions you have. Please let me know if you prefer in-person (face to face in Stockholm) or online consultations.

Therapy for a Broken Heart, Separation or Relationship Breakdown

woman looking over mountains

How do you overcome a relationship breakup?

Dealing with heartache. Coping with rejection. Recovering after splitting up. These are subjects about which I am regularly consulted as an English speaking therapist in Stockholm. And I wish there was a simple solution that worked for everyone. The good news is that most people find it helps to talk over matters of the heart. It’s even better when the person you are talking to really listens and asks some questions or offers some perspectives you hadn’t thought about before.

Whether you have left a long term relationship or are struggling after a series of short romances that went bad, sharing the hurt and making sense of it can be part of getting your life back together.

More information about separation counselling in Stockholm or online

The Shock and Pain of Separation

How long does it take to heal from a separation?

There are no rules about the time it takes to recover from splitting up. In these situations it can help to throw out expectations about what is normal. Maybe you are dealing with loneliness or emotional pain and looking for coping strategies. And it can help to have some of these if you want to keep working, you have children to care for or you are just trying to hold your life together! But my experience is that coping techniques work best when they are adapted for each person. If they were the same for everyone, it would be easier to read a self-help book than see a relationship therapist.

“Ja visst gör det ont när knoppar brister”  Karin Boye, Swedish poet

A Coffee and a Chat, A Walking Companion or Making a Game Plan

Private counselling is an opportunity to speak in confidentiality about things that you might not be ready to tell anyone else.

The same approach to counselling or therapy doesn’t work for everyone. All kinds of people come to see me to discuss their relationship breakdowns – engineers, creatives, lawyers, psychologists, business people, researchers, teachers, athletes – and they are at all different places in terms of separating from their partners. Some people want advice about dating, some ask for CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy). Some are fine to talk (and sometimes cry) over a cup of tea or coffee. Others want to make a game plan about their recovery and I have a whiteboard in my room we can use for that purpose (you can even take a photo of it at the end of the session). And if you don’t feel like sitting still, you don’t have to; we can take a walk together and talk in the fresh air. I also work over webcam, so we can meet in Stockholm or online from wherever you are in Sweden or elsewhere in the world. My approach to talk therapy is flexible and responsive to the circumstances you bring to the consultation and your personal preference for the appointment.

Don’t let doubt or indecision stop you considering your options or getting your life back. Contact me now for more information about my fees and services.

Dealing with fears, feelings and emotions can be a collaborative process. Regardless of whether you have just separated from your sambo, are going through a divorce with your husband or wife, just adjusting to being on your own or ready to start dating again, conversations are therapeutic. Narrative Therapy offers an approach to talking about relationships that is quite unlike other therapy. People tell me that their friends always have advice but it is another thing altogether to confide in a therapist or work together to start feeling better.

If you are unsure, you are welcome to write to me using this email form, and ask me any questions. You can also call and leave a message on 08-559 22 636 if you would prefer to speak in person (let me know the best times to return your call). I look forward to hearing from you.

Walking Talk Therapy for Mental Health in English in Stockholm

A Park to Walk in Stockholm

A Park to Walk in StockholmThe advantages of counselling and therapy shouldn’t just be psychological. Walking while talking is a new approach to talk therapy that benefits the body as well as the mind.

As a therapist who personally enjoys exercise and the positive effects of movement, I was not surprised when I read in the Sydney Morning Herald about research that demonstrated sitting was bad for our health.

I’ve written before about how exercise is important to both our physical and psychological health. Sitting for prolonged periods can reduce lifespan so decreasing our sitting time is just as critical to health as taking exercise. But modern lifestyles have many of us spending long work hours in front of our computers. It can be difficult to remember to take regular breaks let alone to keep moving our bodies.

So I am now also offering counselling, coaching and therapy in English in Stockholm while walking outdoors. This is a unique service for Stockholm that fits with making it easier and more beneficial for people to meet with a counsellor.

The Benefits of Walking Therapy

Taking a walk each day can lift mood, free thinking and help us manage emotions. For some people, it can be a reasonable alternative to medication. But there are other advantages to therapy while walking outside as well. We know sunlight is important for production of vitamin D and general health. Talking with a counsellor while taking a walk treats your whole person, body, mind and spirit. The practice of walking itself can quieten thoughts and relieve anxiety. It’s refreshing, relaxing and the rhythm of a walk can also help to sort out problems.

Like other forms of counselling, Walking Talk Therapy is an opportunity to discuss strategies, get things in perspective, or simply get a sounding board for the changes you know you want to make. Being out in nature is conducive to healing and improved mental health. Expats can speak English during the appointment and benefit both from the change of scene and a compassionate listening ear. People who have experienced disappointment, loss or even trauma may find that time spent in nature is therapeutic in itself. Those seeking to improve their physical health and motivation can find active consultations even better than sessions that are office based. So counselling appointments while you walk offer a combined form of treatment.

With my Walking Talk Therapy in Stockholm, you are welcome to request help with the same kinds of goals or concerns you bring to office based appointments. Many people who come to see me talk about depression or anxiety, family and relationship issues. But the areas I specialise in include:

How Does Walking Talk Therapy Work?

Usually we start the first appointment in my counselling rooms on Kungsholmen in central Stockholm. If you decide to proceed with a walking appointment, we can go to Rålambshovsparken or along Norr Mälarstrand by Riddarfjärden. These parts of the island are quite beautiful throughout the year and provide plenty of open space for private conversations while walking. We can hold onto important points by jotting them down or taking an audio note as we go. Walking Talk Therapy is suitable for therapeutic approaches such as CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) and narrative therapy.

If the weather is bad we can still meet in the office. The Swedish have a saying “there is no bad weather, only bad clothing” but it is always your choice whether we go out for a walk or sit inside and chat over a cup of tea or coffee.

So why not combine therapy and some exercise? It’s healthy, refreshing and better for both of us! For daytime appointments until 5pm you are welcome to choose a 50 or 75 minute consultation depending on how much time you have available.

My goal is to make it easier for people to see me so, of course, if you prefer to sit comfortably and talk we can still do that. I still offer a range of options including online counselling over webcam from Stockholm or anywhere in Sweden.

Call now on 08-559 22 636 and leave a message if I don’t answer.

Or contact me through the form on my website for more details.

I look forward to us walking together!

Can Depression that Started in Sweden be Treated with Exercise?

man running

man runningImprovement to mood is one of the most obvious effects of exercise. But can exercise actually be used as a treatment for depression?

An article recently featured in the Stockholm daily newspaper Dagens Nyheter says it can.  Jill Taube, a Swedish psychiatrist, has written a book about how exercise can help to cure mental illness. She points to studies that show the effects of exercise not only last longer than those of antidepressant medication, but physical activity appears to prevent the recurrence of depression better than antidepressants.

Exercise: A Prescription for Depression

Taube’s exercise ‘prescription’ echoes what the health and fitness experts have been saying for at least 20 years: a combination of cardio and strength activities for 30-45 minutes, at least 3 times a week. Obviously those who have not been exercising need to take it easy to begin with and build up to this. But the idea that there is something people can do themselves about depressed mood is great news for those who want to recover from depression and need more hope in their lives (although it might depress the drug companies!).

Antidepressent Use in Sweden, an Increasing Trend

What makes this research so remarkable is that Sweden has one of the highest rates of antidepressant prescription. According to OECD statistics, Sweden has the 3rd highest consumption rate of antidepressants in Europe (after Iceland and Denmark). And antidepressant prescription is on the rise in Sweden. The National Board of Health and Welfare (Socialstyrelsen) has issued guidelines to try to cut the rise of prescribed depression medication and encourage the use of talk therapy. But these changes will take time because the culture around prescribing antidepressants needs to change. A survey of GP attitudes from 2004 indicated that most doctors considered drug treatment with antidepressants alone was effective and sufficient in most cases of depression. Less than half the doctors thought that psychotherapy was required as a complement. This is despite reliable evidence of the effectiveness of talk therapy against moderate depression and the combination of counselling with medication being considered best practice. There is also evidence that effectiveness of antidepressant use really depends on the therapeutic relationship between doctor and patient.

Relief for Anxiety and Depression through Exercising

As a doctor, Taube is concerned with biochemical explanations of how exercise actually works and the article in Dagens Nyheter explains some of this. For the layperson it’s enough to know that it does work. Therapists are familiar with the way depression often goes hand in hand with anxiety (I often describe them as hanging around together, like schoolyard bullies) so it’s no surprise that exercise appears to help relieve anxiety as well.

Taube, who has herself experienced depression, is a dancing enthusiast but explains that other exercise like taking a walk or spin class can give the mind a break from Anxious Thoughts. We know that mental health difficulties can generally lead to poor physical health not only because problems like anxiety and depression stop us from getting out and enjoying life, but because the drugs that are prescribed for them have a slowing down effect on those who take such drugs. So people who are taking medication because they are affected by anxiety, depression and other mental health problems often gain weight and suffer cardiovascular difficulties or musculoskeletal problems because they don’t move themselves as much. Of course it is important to still seek the help of health professionals, particularly if you are experiencing a severe depression or having thoughts of wanting to end your life. Talking together regularly with a doctor, counsellor, therapist or psychologist is a better alternative to just taking drugs on your own.

In 2012 I will be continuing Walking-Talk Therapy  for those who want to have therapeutic and coaching conversations ‘on the go’. Going for a walk together through Rålambshovsparken, along Norr Mälarstrand or around Riddarfjärden is a great physical alternative to sitting down. Of course, if you prefer to talk inside, we can still meet over a tea or coffee in my private consulting room at Fridhemsplan. And for those who are outside of Stockholm or prefer more privacy, online counselling is always available over the internet.

Send me an email or call me on 08-559 22 636 and leave a message if you would like to make an appointment.

Jill Taube’s book “Själ och Kropp” is widely available from book retailers and online, but unfortunately only in Swedish at this stage.

Therapy for Winter Depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) in Stockholm

candles

candlesDepression? Seasonal Affective Disorder? The cold and darkness of Sweden at the end of the year is one of the hardest issues for expats. For those of us from relatively warm countries (take note Aussies and South Africans) and others who have never lived this far north, the Swedish climate can be a real shock.

 

In Stockholm in December it is dark by early in the afternoon. I’ve talked to many expats who really struggle at this time of year. Some have even internalised the problem and have started to think they are depressed or have seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Actually, it is really normal and natural to have trouble with the Swedish winter even if you have been here a long time. I’ve gathered the advice of a range of expats and long term visitors to Sweden who I have met in my counselling work as a therapist. Here are their practical suggestions.

1. Get Active

Jawbone Up BandIt’s natural to not be as active at this time of year but it’s also good to still move your body. Too cold outside? Try training indoors. Friskis och Svettis offer lower cost fitness memberships that include classes for around 3000 crowns a year (even less if you are a student). That’s not even the cost of 1 glass of wine each week! And you don’t have to be particularly athletic to get something therapeutic out of a gym. Try a 30 minute brisk treadmill walk while listening to your favourite music on an iphone or mp3 player. Taking in the scenery of everyone else working out while you go at your own pace can make you feel alive again. Get a Jawbone and set a goal of 10,000 steps a day on your Jawbone. There are plenty of sports you can do in winter as well, like indoor volleyball and swimming. This is the time of year that hot saunas are really appreciated.

2. Rug Up

Feeling colder can make a difference to your mood so it is worth making the effort to be as warm and cosy as you can when you are walking around outside. We lose most of our body heat through our extremities so pull on a wooly hat that covers your ears (called a mössa in Swedish), gloves, warm footwear and a scarf. Have you discovered the advantages of long underwear yet? A decent winter coat is also helpful of course.

3. Go easy on the grog (and the glögg)

The end of the year is a time for celebration but keep in mind that alcohol is a depressant. Bottled spirits tend to lift our own spirits for a short time but the after effects can pull us down the next day or for several days after a few too many. Drinking more than usual will lead to swings in mood and, in the absence of other helpful strategies, some people develop a dependency on alcohol that can create real problems for them, their partners and families (and I am not referring to Systembolaget being closed on a Sunday). Other ways of picking yourself up include exercising regularly, spending time with friends, attending expat group events and…

4. Getting yourself into the light

phillips wake up lightFortunately Stockholm is not completely dark in winter (some places in Sweden are). But the daylight doesn’t last for long. Make sure you make the most of the light and walk around in it during the day if you can. There is some evidence that even a few minutes a day direct daylight on exposed skin (i.e. your face) can make a difference to your physiology and mood. It costs nothing but your time (most of which involves putting on and taking off your warm clothes). Some people use wake up lights and special desk lamps that reproduce the tone of daylight to enlighten their winter days. For example, the Philips Wake-Up Light (available here from Amazon) has a number of settings to replicate sunrise and and even a selection of natural sounds.

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5. Make plans and look forward to them

Fellow expats agree there is nothing like a break for a week or two somewhere warm and sunny to change your perspective. Swedes know the advantages of travelling during the darker months and flock to the Canaries (no pun intended!), Egypt and even farther destinations like India, Thailand and Vietnam during December and January. Book your tickets early to get the cheap deals. If you don’t mind the snow, there are some great ski-fields within Sweden. Or you can jump on a party boat to Helsinki, Tallin or Riga. If you can’t afford the time or cost of getting away, make plans to do some exotic activities at home or treat yourself to some special meals. Apparently the restaurant Koh Phangan on Skånegatan makes you feel you are really in Thailand.

6. It’s okay to hibernate a little

Winter is a time of closing down in contrast to the expansiveness of summer. In many ways we have lost touch with the natural rhythms that we see in the animal world. So what if you want to sleep 10 hours instead of 8? That’s how it goes with the cold and darkness. You aren’t depressed and you don’t need medication just because you don’t feel like going out and want to stay in bed more than usual. Lower your Expectations and stop giving yourself a hard time. You can make up for it in the Spring. That brings me to…

7. Embracing the experience

Canon CameraIf you can’t beat it, make the most of it. Not all the Swedes take off to sun and sand in wintertime yet they still manage to stay sane and get on with their lives. It might take some time to get the knack of it but those who emigrated to Sweden a number of years ago tell me that there is something to be said for embracing the climate at this time of year. They have taken up photography or cross-country skiing (even with the skis that use little wheels when there is no snow), planned Melodifestival parties, visited the Christmas markets, lit up their apartments with small candles, played and recorded music, painted, drawn, read and written books. The Swedes are a nation of creatives. Even if you just document what you are seeing or hearing around you and how you are feeling in a journal or blog you will be in the company of many who have gone before you in the great musical, literary and artistic traditions of Scandinavia.

8. Remember: It will pass!

From 22 December the nights are shorter and the days start to get longer. When the snow arrives, it can make a difference as well, reflecting daylight or streetlights and generally making everything a bit brighter. Many people do find January is the worst month for them simply because they have endured the darkness and low temperatures for so long. So even getting a sense of the length of winter can help and this often happens for expats once they have been in Sweden for a couple of cold seasons.

If being in Sweden has lost its purpose for you at this dark time of the year, maybe it is time for a meaning-recovering conversation over a hot cup of tea or coffee. Narrative therapy and other collaborative counselling practices can provide you with the opportunity to reconnect with your motivation and find a new lease of life to last through winter. If you want some practical help, together we can construct a plan or strategy to get you through to lighter times. Contact me through the website or call and leave a message on 08-559 22 636 if you would like to make an appointment.

Thanks to Elin, Steve, Evelyn, Barbara, Marie, Matthew, Janet, Paul and Rob for their contributions as well as to all my clients who have found or are finding their own ways of dealing with the darkness and cold.