What’s the Purpose of Talk Therapy? 5 Different Reasons to Turn to Online Counselling.

Recently I was reflecting on all the requests I receive for online counselling, coaching and therapy. I’ve been providing therapy consultations over webcam and offering email counselling for several years now, and I’ve heard a diversity of hopes and expectations over that time. Here are some of them.

Strategies and Tools

One of the biggest reasons people contact me is to ask for ‘strategies’ or ‘tools’. The tools or strategies (or methods or approaches) they are seeking could be about improving confidence or happiness, better communication, managing mood (e.g. ‘anger management’) or coping with stress. You might have already tried some approaches you have read about or been told about previously but remain stuck or need some coaching. Or you might be looking to try something new. One size definitely does not fit all (even ‘CBT’ – cognitive behaviour therapy – can be many things to many people and, despite the claims, it doesn’t suit everyone). People sometimes arrive with an expectation that a therapist will fix or treat their mental health problem but generally the approach is collaborative: we treat it together, in cooperation.

Working Through Stuff (or working out stuff)

Life can be complicated. Self-help books only take us so far. But a conversation is dynamic and can take us therapeutically further than reading a book or doing the exercises it contains. When people talk with me about dealing with family relationships, for example, they sometimes need to modify the approach they have been reading about to suit what is happening at the time. Sexuality is another topic that can take some working out. Categories like ‘gay’ or ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual’ can seem very fixed at a time in one’s life when sexual identity is changing. Some dialogue can assist when working through our  relationship with our body, desires, public identity and the gender expectations of us. Talking about difficult topics can also make it easier for us to express ourselves. The useful thing about online counselling is that you have the option of requesting some notes from the session or you can exchange therapy emails as a way of holding onto your progress.

Interested in making an appointment to work out something? Click here to send an email.

Letting Go and Acceptance

When something changes, like a relationship or job or even something to do with our bodies such as an illness or disability, the adjustment can take time. We can benefit from some therapeutic conversations. Some people describe this as ‘grieving’ but this word might not fit for everyone. In seeking resolution, counselling can take an interesting turn. For instance, when someone special or close to us passes, we might be thinking of meeting with a counsellor as part of ‘letting go’. However I often find the counselling process leads people to start recovering their relationship with a loved one, and bereavement turns to remembering and holding the deceased close. With death as in life, there are many ways to resolution.

Getting a Sounding Board or Bollplank

When we are looking for answers, having someone experienced to help us ‘bounce around’ ideas, or ‘bollplanka‘ as the Swedes say, can be helpful. Many tell me that they are looking for someone impartial, unlike a friend or relative who might automatically side with them or play ‘devil’s advocate’. In a therapeutic relationship, it’s okay to ask for advice or reassurance. Counselling isn’t always about providing this, but even if it is not possible in a talk therapy appointment, we can explore what you are seeking and how you might get it professionally or on your own. Some people find that one or two webcam consultations are enough to find direction. Others meet with me regularly, like once a fortnight or once a month, simply because they find it helpful to throw around ideas before making decisions.

Making Changes in Life

Speaking of decisions, at certain times of life it can seem like we are at crossroads. Should I remain in the relationship or leave? Should I continue in Sweden or return home? Should I follow my career or take any job, just to earn some money / get into the society? People tell me that making personal changes can be easier when they hear some other perspectives. There are some stories I can share from those who have given me permission. But it is also helpful to explore the subject. Seeing our situations as ‘stay or go’ can produce more stress and often leaves it harder to make a decision about what to do. In this respect, the self-awareness and understanding we get from talking to someone else can open up the possibilities beyond what we had imagined prior to talk therapy.

Meeting for Talk Therapy Online

If you would like to meet online, there are several options available. Webcam conversations over Skype mean we can see and hear each other in real time. If you don’t have access to a computer or prefer not to be seen, you can choose telephone counselling if you don’t mind the additional cost of calling a Stockholm landline (I also have landlines based in London or Sydney, Australia you can call). Instant Message chat provides a slower, more reflective opportunity for meeting in real-time with the added benefit of not being seen or heard. It is entirely text-based conversation. Or, if you prefer to write in your own time, you can choose email counselling where you write me an email and I respond within 72 hours. You then receive an email you can keep referring back to in future.

For more information including my fees and availability, please contact me.

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“Tools for Better Living”: 6 English Speaking Coaching Sessions for Expats in Stockholm and across Sweden

This fall I’m offering a flexible course that combines both coaching and counselling in a short series of consultations. These sessions are designed specifically for expats and other English speakers seeking direction. Are you looking for some tools for dealing with change or adjustment? Interested in taking a series of sessions to kick-start your motivation? Read on!

Those of us who have been expats in Stockholm for a number of years know the winters can be tough. Swedes know it too and, although most of them have grown up with the darkness and cold that comes with a Swedish winter, many still struggle. Whether you are in your first few years of living in Scandinavia, or you have lived here all your life, there is good sense in using the autumn to prepare psychologically and emotionally for what is to come.

6 Sessions of Coaching or Counselling, 5 Suggested Themes

This series combines the approaches of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Narrative Therapy, Motivational Interviewing, Life Coaching, Relaxation Strategies, Skills Training (including Stress Management and Communication Training) and Mindfulness. I’ve based it around a presentation of the most common psychological tools I use in my practice but will tailor it to suit your circumstances.

My approach is based on the idea that, through conversation based meetings, we develop ideas and strategies together that neither one of us might have envisaged using before. In this way, you bring your skills and knowledge as a contribution to the sessions and I also introduce theories and tools as possibilities for you to start using. Of course all the sessions and everything you say to me is confidential.

The plan below is a guide only and we can modify it according to your needs.

Want to know more already? Email me!

#1   Who Am I?

Our sense of identity can be quite important to how we manage in new situations or cope with change. Who are you and what has contributed to your sense of yourself, particularly since you moved to Sweden?

The first appointment is a kind of assessment where together we discuss what you would like to cover in the course of sessions and share whatever aspects of your story you would like to tell me. You also have the opportunity to ask me any questions you would like answered. At the end of the session I can give you an interesting identity-based task to take away and complete in your own time, if you like. ‘Homework’ is always optional. Some people want it and some don’t, so you can make the choice.

If you would like to know more about me in advance, read the About Ash Rehn page on this website. And I welcome you to contact me prior to the session if you would like to know anything more about me. It is important that we can work together and for you to feel a sense of comfort during our meetings.

#2   Recovering Energy, Motivation and Establishing Routines

It is not unusual for people to want to meet with a coach or therapist when they are at, or have been at, a low ebb. I’m used to seeing people struggling with motivation, lacking energy or feeling like they have failed. At the same time, it is not always that way. It can be more like chaos that needs sorting out. So part of our work together might be looking at what you want or what you appreciate about your life or what you need. Sometimes this involves considering your ‘vision’ for life. Sometimes people feel stuck, sometimes they feel lost, sometimes they just want me to help them sort through ‘stuff’ or ‘issues’. Whatever the case is, we can discuss it together.

#3   Managing Stress, Coping and Empowerment Strategies

How you deal with change often depends on your past experiences, the techniques you have learned or the resources you have at hand. In our sessions we can consider the skills you are using now as well as what you might need to recover or discover. If you are caught in some Mind Traps (cognitive distortions in thinking) we can identify these and determine alternative psychological strategies to help you escape or re-establish balance. I can also show you some physical practices you can use at any time to reduce anxiety and your stress response.

#4   Career / Relationships / Friendships / Family: Planning and Goal Setting

Would you like to show me what your life looks like now and what your ideal life would be? Often this can be a way of envisaging the future as well. Collaborative consultations can offer the first steps forward to making changes across a number of the aspects of our lives. Together we can explore changes you want to make in any or all of these areas and what might be required for moving forward. It tends to be much easier to do this in collaboration.

#5   Improved Communication for Relationships

Frustration and Anger are two of the most common emotions I discuss with people who meet me in Stockholm or online. If our needs are not being met, we can find our emotions about certain events and incidents spilling into other aspects of our life. And that affects our relationships. Taking an alternative approach to your standard way of communicating is one way to lower the frustration you are experiencing. I can show you some other possibilities and we can practice these in the sessions.

#6   Awareness, Acknowledgement, Acceptance and Building Resilience

It is not generally possible to change everything overnight. Meeting and having a conversation about what concerns you can also be a way of tapping into some other perspectives. Part of this work is about holding onto what you have learned or discovered. Part of the coaching can even include awareness-building techniques like Mindfulness. In these 6 sessions, I offer a start to a process that can take you in new directions. You might decide to continue with something new we discover together during our work or you might even decide to continue with me. With your permission, I will follow up by email at least twice over the 2 months following the series. If you want to continue, we can discuss the possibilities to keep going, what you have achieved and what might remain outstanding.

Pay as You Go or Save with a Package of Sessions

This flexible course is offered as pay as you go or you can receive 6 sessions for the cost of 5 if you pre-pay the series. You can attend just the first session and decide if you want to continue with no obligation to pay for more. You are welcome to decide a few days after the first appointment whether you want to pay for the whole series or pay as you go. I do ask for a deposit of 200 crowns for the first appointment but you have 7 days from the session to pay for the balance. Please contact me for further details of the fee.

No Guarantees or False Promises, but Possibilities, Opportunities and Open Dialogue

It would be quite unethical of me to make false promises about how successful this short series of appointments will be for you, particularly when I have not yet met you. So I don’t offer a guarantee that you will achieve everything you ever hoped for in just 6 sessions. But I do offer to be fully present with you for the sessions and to work collaboratively with you in ways you find comfortable.

It is my professional experience that once people start talking, what they are struggling with often changes or even dissolves. It does not happen at the same pace for everyone, but making a start will give you a better understanding of what might be required. I have chosen a framework of 6 sessions as many people find this is just enough to launch them into self-sufficiency. The relief of talking to a professional in a confidential setting can be influential, as can the possibilities for dialogue, acknowledgement, exploration and even confession.

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Ash Rehn QindsmBook Now to Secure Appointment Times

  • A limited number of these sessions are now available daytimes and evenings during September and October.
  • Sessions are available both in-person ‘face to face’ in Stockholm and ‘face to face’ by Skype webcam (or audio-only if you prefer).
  • Possibilities for continuing include the option of email counselling once the course is concluded.

Make an enquiry about available times and fees now through my contact page.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Ash Rehn BSocWk, MA, MAASW (acc.)